馬車だ!!!!あああああアアアああああぁぁあぁあぁアァあぁFUCKYOU
DUHHH THE CARRIAGE!!!! DUHHH THE CARRIAGE!!???!!1 THE CARRIAGE!!!!! IS THAT ALL YOU TWINCEST FUCKS CAN SAY!!??? DURR THE CARRIAGE RIDING ON FOREVER IN THE NIGHT WILL ONE DAY TURN BACK INTO A PUMPKIN I FEEL LIKE IM IN A FUCKING ASYLUM FULL OF DEMENTIA RIDDEN OLD PEOPLE THAT CAN DO NOTHING BUT REPEAT THE SAME FUCKING CINDERELLA COMPLEX-LITE THEORY ON LOOP LIKE A FUCKING BROKEN RECORD THE CARRIAGE WILL TURN BACK INTO A PUMPKIN LOL!!! THE CARRIAGE!!!1 PUMPKIN!! LE CARRIAGE!!!! I AM IN THE CARRIAGE!!!! YOU THINK THIS FAMILY SETTING WILL PERSERVE OUR FRIENDSHOP PREVENT CHANGE I FUCKING HATE THE HOST CLUB SO GODDAMN MUCH FUCKJK YOU KAORU I HONEST TO GOD HOPE YOUR HOST CLUB KING CHOKES ON COMMONERS COFFEE IN HELL YOU COCKSUCKER VUT OHHH I KNOWM MY POST IS FEEDING INTO THE CARRIAGE ALLEGORY ISNT IT?? THE CARRIAGE WILL TURN BACK INTO THE PUMPKIN ONE DAY AND THEN YOU’LL BE ALL ALONE!!!!!!
I am genuinely fucked. I am so fucked. Do you know how fucking humiliating it is to be me. I cannot look at Cinderella carriages OR pumpkins normally everytime I see any of those things I go I can't fucking take it. This isn't even funny anymore and now at the height of it I'm making a fucking webpage and for what? what end goal? there isn't one. i fucking hate the carriage so fucking much it has ruined my life. I hyperventilate when i see a fucking PUMPKIN at the GROCERY STORE i lose my SHIT when anyone says the word CARRIAGE and then i look like a CRACKHEAD. i literally saw a cinderella carriage toy in my neighbors yard and in the dead of night i tresspassed on their property to take a picture with the flash on to show my friends and say this is an actual psychotic disorder and it's all due to KAORU FUCKING HITACHIIN!!!!
I HAVE A FUCKING SHIRT OF THIS NOW SOMEBODY MADE ME A GOD DAMN FUCKING SHIRT. NOW I CAN GET MY ASS KICKED IN PUBLIC I CAN PROUDLY PROCCLAIM I AM A MENTALLY UNSTABLE INDIVIDUAL A RIPE TARGET FOR THE POLICE AND CIA ALIKE TO ASSASSINATE. THANKS. THANKS! YOU SURE FUCKING CARE ABOUT MY WELLBEING. YES I WEAR THE SHIRT IN PUBLIC. IF YOU SEE ME DO NOT FUCKING RTALK TO ME. IF YOU SAY THE WORDS "P*MPKIN" "C*NDERELLA" OR "CARR*DGE" IN MY GENERAL PRESENCE YOUR BODY WILL BECOME A VESSEL FOR THE CREATURES OF THE OCEAN. FUCK YOU. ASSHOLES.
listen to me. I'm grabbing you by the shoulders.
Come closer, boy.
You're still too far away.
......
IT'S NEVER FUCKING RESOLVED
DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING ANNOYING THAT IS. OHHHHH LET'S GIVE THIS CHARACTER A WHOLE DEPRESSION ARC ABOUT HIS DEEP FEARS. AND THEN NEVER RESOLVE IT!!!!!!!!! LET'S LEAD THE AUDIENCE TO BELIEVE THERE'S CREDIBILITY TO HIS FEARS OF LOSING ALL HIS FRIENDS.....AND NEVER STATE OTHERWISE. OK. OK. AND HE FUCKING SAYS IT CONSTANTLY LIKE "THE CARRIAGE WILL HAVE TO TURN BACK SOMEDAY" AND NOBODY FUCKING BATS AN EYE NOT EVEN HIS BROTHER THEYRE JUST LIKE "OH FUNNY KAORU WITH HIS FUNNY COGNITIVE DISSONANCE" STOP. OK. GO FUCK YOURSELF.
I HAVE INVESTED WAY TOO MUCH INTO THIS EMOTIONALLY. I LIKE THIS CHARACTER, OK? AND I ADMIT THE SET UP WAS PRETTY COOL. BUT THEN....IT NEVER GOES ANYWHERE........WE'RE LEFT WONDERING, JUST, WHAT THE FUCK?
SO OF COURSE I INVENT CINDERELLA NIGHT. ME AND MY FRIENDS WATCH CINDERELLA MOVIES EVERY THURSDAY NIGHT. AT FIRST IT WAS ME TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF THE ALLEGORY. MAYBE I WAS MISSING SOMETHING. NO. AND NOW I AHVE WATCHED ALL 3 CINDERELLA MOVIES ENGLISH AND JAPANESE. MULTIPLE TIMES. AND WE ARE GOING TO WATCH EVERY LIVE ACTION FILM IN EXISTANCE.
it has unfortunately come to my attention that some people believe the carriage allegory does get resolved in the final episode. the fact that the carriage haruhi & friends were riding on falls into the pumpkin patch but tamaki is still rescued at the end of the day means that everything is fine and that the spell has broken but it's all ok. No. No. No. you fucking morons. listen to me. sure. consider this resolved. maybe themeatically, sure. but for kaoru, no. the carriage allegory is a symptom. a symptom of kaoru's depression. they treated the symptom, not the actual illness, and either way, kaoru was never in the know about it. it was just for us, the audience, but what does kaoru get? his fears are never resolved. we get the cheapest ending possible. and it's so so fucking annoying. they did this on purpose to say "oh look we DID resolve it!" NO YOU DIDN'T. YOU FUCKING DIDN'T. YOU DID THE BARE MINIMUM AND USED A LOOPHOLE BUT IT'S STILL UNRESOLVED FOR THE CHARACTER IN QUESTION. i hate this piece of shit allegory and if anybody else sends me an anonymous ask on tumblr saying how the carriage allegory was actually resolved im stapling my ballsack to the ceiling fan. good fucking bye.
To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand the carriage allegory. The meaning is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of teenage depression most of the symbolism will go over a typical viewer’s head. There’s also Kaoru’s nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation - his personal philosophy draws heavily from classic Disney movies like Cinderella, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these ramblings, to realize that they’re not just contextual- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike the carriage allegory truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn’t appreciate, for instance, the humor in Kaoru’s existencial object of choice, the pumpkin, which itself is a cryptic reference to how the carriage will revert back into a pumpkin at midnight. I’m smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Bisco Hatori’s genius unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools… how I pity them. 😂 And yes by the way, I DO have a Kaoru Hitachiin tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It’s for the host club’s eyes only- And even they have to demonstrate that they’re within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand.
WHICH ONE OF YOU MOTHER FUCKERS MADE A FUCKING NINTENDO 3DS THEME OF THIS FUCKING SITE. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU.
"SAKURASODA", WHOEVER YOU ARE, I WILL FUCKING FIND YOU.
this image is so fucking annoying who the fuck let this happen. genuinely. you think after almost 2 years i'd be over this BUT I'M FUCKING NOT. WHO LET THIS HAPPEN. WHO IN THE FUCKING WRITING STAFF ROOM LET THIS HAPPEN. I tried emailing greg ayres once (voice of kaoru fucking hitachiin) and he never replied. greg ayres i know you're reading this and i'm holding you accountable. reply to my fucking email boy. i will pay you 200$ to read the copypasta. it won't give me closure and in fact will probably make my scizophrenia worse but this is not longer a request you should be genuinely afraid for your life. fuck this stupid allegory. fuck this shit. fuck this shit. FUCK THE CARRIAGE. FUCK. THE CARRIAGE. WHO THOUGHT WE NEEDED CARRIAGE OFFICIAL COVER ART YOU COULD HAVE DRAWN ANYTHING ELSE BUT NOOOOOO. FUCK. OFF.
You know what I hate about some people. they don't take action. All they do is complain and complain and complain but never do anything to change. I refuse to be one of those people daunted by their own weakness. Mr. Greg Ayres hasn't replied to my email. Fine. to be honest, maybe I was a little too hard on gregy-poo. All he does is read the lines given to him. It's not his fault he was stuck voice acting a scizophrenic cinderella fetishist. Why should he have to answer to crimes not of his own doing? Still don't forgive him but I see the error in my logic.
STEP ONE: FIND THE ENEMY.
short of burning down BONES studio I have a solution. you see, most english dub anime goes through rewrites to make it better for the english speaking market or whatevzzz. here is da thing.....the japanese version of episode 23 still gets me flummoxed but it is NOWHERE near as psychotic as the english dub. now i hear you I HEAR YOU.YOU HATE EPISODE 21 NOT 23 YOU LIAR YOU HOAXER.SHUT THE FUCK UPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I do hate episode 21 but episode 23 (IF YOU'VE WATCHED THE SHOW.) has a bit where Kaoru goes all post traumatic sinderella disorder. and the wording is so much more hammed up in the english version. WHY!!!>!>?! i DONT fucking know. but that's why i knew i had to look into who did the english script writing for ouran.
STEP 2: ERIC VALE.
i don't care that he's phoenix wright that means nothing to me but HE IS THE WRITER FOR OURAN. he has more culpability in the situation than gregy-poo ever did. i sent him a niccely worded email (LOOK TO YOUR RIGHT.) and look it says they will GET BACK TO ME. i sent that in early MARCH. it is SEPTEMBER. he is clearly never getting back to me.𝕀𝔽 𝔾ℝ𝔼𝔾 𝔸𝕐ℝ𝔼𝕊 𝕀𝕊 𝔸 𝔻𝔼𝕄𝕆ℕ 𝔼ℝ𝕀ℂ 𝕍𝔸𝕃𝔼 𝕀𝕊 𝕋ℍ𝔼 𝔻𝔼𝕍𝕀𝕃